How to Create a Daily Couple’s Journaling Habit
written by Maja Metera
Research suggests that incorporating forms of expressive writing—like journaling—into your relationship can be an important factor impacting the sense of mutuality (“we-ness”), the ability to regulate emotion, and negative affective processes (e.g., anger). It leads to better communication, emotional intimacy, and smoother conflict resolution. That sounds like a great list of reasons to start a couple’s journal. Let us tell you more about it and walk you through creating that habit.
Reasons to Start Journaling
To begin with, you need to start journaling for yourself, not because it is the right thing to do. But wasn’t this article supposed to be about journaling for couples? Hold your horses—we are getting there. Journaling comes with benefits that impact your relationship, whether you journal and share your entries with your partner or not.
First of all, journaling is a way of getting all those annoying or heavy thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Think of it as a daily clean-up around the house - putting things in their proper places, wiping down stains, etc. If we did not do that regularly - we would either have to do a lot of heavy lifting during our spring clean or collapse under all the trash lying around. We do not want that - just like we do not want our small overreactions, miscommunications, and mental clutter to ruin our days or push our partners away. In the following paragraphs, we will discuss the advantages journaling brings to your relationship.
Secondly, through reflection, journaling promotes personal growth in the areas of self-awareness, introspection, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance - skills crucial in leading a peaceful and fulfilling life. So read on to find out the science behind habit formation and how such an intelligent kinkster like you can use it to their advantage.
Benefits of Journaling for Couples
Couple’s journaling is nothing more than journaling done with a relationship in mind by one or more people in said relationship. Those individuals can choose to share entries with each other or to keep them private - but the beneficial core of couple’s journaling is being mindful and intentional in your dynamic.
Enhanced Communication and Conflict Resolution
If you find it difficult to articulate your thoughts and feelings in conversation, even writing them down first can significantly help. It will not only help you ensure that you are easier to understand, but it will also aid you in identifying underlying issues and understanding your reactions. Moreover, suppose you journal before addressing the topic in conversation. In that case, you can clarify your emotions and identify the main points you want to discuss, ensuring a more productive and respectful dialogue. If you reflect on what happened post-conflict - you are more likely to find new perspectives and understanding of your partner’s approach. Additionally, journaling after a confrontation allows you to process what happened, what worked, and what didn’t, leading to personal growth and better handling of future conflicts.
Building Trust, Empathy and Emotional Intimacy
Furthermore, if you share at least some of your entries with your partner, you sign up for additional perks. You grant them access to your inner world of unfiltered emotions. If you don't censor yourself during journaling sessions, they should see how vulnerable you are in doing so. This shows the depth of your trust that they will handle this privilege with care. It is a big green flag if they do, and it strengthens your emotional bond, making your relationship even more intimate.
Obstacles to Creating a Journaling Habit
Now that you have an overview of what you can gain from this habit, let’s discuss what makes it so challenging to get into regular journaling practice.
Journaling can last as long as you need it to—from a quick five minutes of gratitude to an hour of introspection. Nonetheless, it works best when you plan a dedicated time for your practice. Then, you can get really deep, process your thoughts and emotions, and recover from the session if it was particularly emotional.
We recommend that you find a time of day when you already have your routine established - such as drinking coffee and having breakfast on your balcony every morning. Then, you can add journaling to your routine by completing your daily entry while you sip away on your beverage. Using old habits in this way is called habit stacking, a method proven to make habit formation faster and more effective.
Then there is the issue of what to write about—but this can be easily solved by having a list of prompts at hand. You can follow Embrace on Instagram for BDSM and relationship prompts (including your relationship with yourself), and consult AI or Google to find prompts specific to your situation and its challenges.
Making Daily Journaling Easy
Embrace creates a designated space for private and shared entries, prompts reflection with questions that change daily, sends multiple reminders to journal at times you choose, and is available at your fingertips. Moreover, you can track your moods and add photos when you start a new log.
In other words, Embrace does everything to lower the entry threshold for couples' journaling. The only thing we cannot do for you is write the entries. So, how can you stay consistent with your journal practice?
How Are Habits Created?
There are oodles of books, podcasts, YouTube channels, and academic journals that focus on the science behind forming a habit. However, they are mostly based on a similar idea. You need to ask yourself, “What, when, and how will I do?” With this information, you can create your if-then statements, known as implementation intentions, which have been studied to increase your chances of sticking to what you want to do. They create a short and sweet manual for your habit. For example, if I drink coffee in the morning, I will write my daily journal entry in the Embrace app.
If you want to go a step further, you can complete the habit loop (see graphic above). You already know what your cue (e.g. drinking coffee in the morning) and habit (journaling) are. Time to add the consequences. Ask yourself:
What is my reward for doing it?
What is my punishment for not doing it?
The consequence can be as simple as getting satisfaction from checking your habit as done or guilt when you do not manage to complete it that day. However, if you are in a BDSM dynamic, we recommend our sister app - Obedience. It is a habit-tracking app that allows you to assign specific rewards and punishments for your tasks or collect points exchangeable for prizes - all while your partner keeps you accountable.
If you already use Embrace Premium, you can get Obedience Premium at -50%!
Conclusion
Now you know what you can “win” if you follow your plan to journal daily and what you can do to set yourself up for success. To make it even easier, we made a checklist for you and collected all the links in a list at the bottom of this page.
Good luck!
